Broken

I'm still in Little Rock. I decided to stay an extra night. Scott had to do a lot of work yesterday and there was really no need in me watching him do it! I'm going to head back today though.

Yesterday Scott and I went with my parents to Fellowship Little Rock. It was truly one of the most moving sermons I've ever heard. It was about forgiveness and the pastor was speaking about Christ dying for our sins because he loved us that much. Of course we've heard that before but this touched a little deeper with me because of the way the pastor spoke on it. He mentioned that before the cross once you sinned you had to go, find your best lamb, take him to the alter, place your hand on his head, ask for forgiveness of your sin, the lamb was killed, then you were forgiven. We've all heard that before too. However, then the pastor said 'I bet if we had to do that still, we wouldn't take sin lightly.' Wow. That really got to me. I thought about Holly. She's my best. I'd have to sacrifice her because of a stupid sin. How horrible that must have been. The sermon made me look at the cross in a different way. I'm so grateful Christ died for me so I don't have to sacrifice an animal like that. After the sermon was over, the pastor had us fill out a card that we received as we walked in. It was something that we wanted forgiveness for. Then if you wanted, you walked up to the front of the church where a cross was placed, and laid your card at the foot of the cross. It was incredibly touching. Everyone just one by one came and placed their card. The praise band sang the most beautiful songs and suddenly, after I placed my card and went back to my seat, I found myself completely broken. I'll be honest, it's the first time in a long time I've felt broken over a sin. But I also felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders because at that moment, I truly felt forgiven. Luckily, my Mom had tissues! Once church was over, and we got in the car, we were all silent until Dad said 'well all I can say is wow. That was not a service to be missed.' I'm so grateful I was there. It was a life altering experience for me.

I've said it a million times before and I'll say it again-- Fellowship Little Rock is the best church in the world. I wish I could be a part of it every Sunday.

So anywho, that was what my day was like yesterday! Followed by The Kings Speech with Mom and Grammy--great movie! Alright. I'm going to hop in the shower and get ready for French Onion Soup at Panera with my Mom. I started counting calories again yesterday. I've taken the 'It's The Holidays!!' food excuse with me for an extra 2 months which has led to an extra 5 pounds. I'm mortified at myself. This must get off immediately. I feel gross. It's amazing how just 1 or 2 bad meals a week can result in 5 pounds over 4 months. Honestly, I was probably eating like a normal person actually does. It's ridiculous that I have to eat only chicken or fish and vegetables for dinner, very small amounts of carbs, and tuna for lunch and run 4 miles every day if I want to stay really thin. I will never have a good attitude about it and I will never get to be the person who can eat just whatever. Bitter Betty....Bitter Betty indeed.....