Dear Diary,

I want to write about my new house and post pictures and share inspiration ideas but I have no desire. I only want to talk about how much I miss Holly. It's gotten worse. I know I've said that many times but it's the truth. I got in bed today and slept for hours. And that's against my rules. I never climb in my bed unless I've just washed my face, showered, and cleaned up. Blankets are what I take naps with. I didn't care today. I just wanted to cover myself in my big bed.
I feel myself slipping into depression and I don't want to go there. I know death is a part of life--And my girl had a beautiful one. I realize how so very lucky I am that Holly ran the natural course of life that we all hope to have. Nothing tragic happened to her. She lived a long, beautiful, perfect life and that is such a blessing for me, my family and for Holly. It doesn't make it any easier though. I just want her back. Life feels incomplete without Holly. I've NEVER been so sad.
I worry about my health right now. My heart always hurts. Literally. My chest feels heavy and I want to claw at it. I don't know what to do though. I have medicine but it makes me sleepy and useless for the day. I want something to make it go away. What could ever make this go away though?

"There is love of course. And then there's life, it's enemy."--Jean Anouilh