Tuesday, April 17, 2012

My Angry Post.

Today was a really hard day for me. I miss my girl. It's getting very real that I'm not going to see my sweet Holly again and it literally makes my heart feel like it's ripping into a million pieces and flying out of my chest. It's so hard. My family never thought of Holly as even a "pet." She is our baby. We did/would do anything and everything for her. She was treated no differently than we would treat a "human" family member. We never even referred to her as our "dog." Dog? No, she's the baby. We talked and treated Holly like we talked and treated Landon when he was little. That's the best way I can compare it. I know one of the reasons she was so smart is because we actually talked to her like we would a child and she had such a large vocabulary and could communicate with us so well. She wasn't one who cared about belly rubs, shaking your hand, and chasing a squirrel. That's very dogish and she didn't act like a dog. Holly was our toddler who stayed a toddler for 15 1/2 years and she acted no different than my nephew did when he was 2 and I'm 100% serious. Would you board your toddler while you went out of town? Of course not. Would you do everything in your power to make their life perfect? Yes. Would you do all you could to make their life happy, comfortable, pleasant, and enjoyable even if it meant sacrificing something of yourself? Of course. That's how we all felt with Holly. Holly our baby.....not our dog.
I must say I have been overwhelmed by the support I've gotten. So many people have reached out to me and I've even gotten flowers and cards and all of the sweet gestures are so, so appreciated. There's a lot of good people in this world. It's really been comforting and nice to know that people get how hard this is on me and my family.
However, I feel like in just a few weeks people will forget and move on but I will never forget and move on. It's like when it's a human loss people check in on you and remember and keep you in their thoughts and prayers for so long but when it's a pet it's like....different. I don't know. Holly is my baby and I'm devastated. Some people will get it, some people won't.

I'm going to allow myself to vent for a second though. I feel like I can because I'm going through trauma and honestly, I don't care if someone thinks what I'm about to say is rude. I've gotten some texts from people who are like "I'm so sorry to hear about Holly. BTW can I get a haircut?" Umm, no you can't ever, ever again from me. Would you text that to someone if they lost their child? Their parent? Their spouse? How dare you. It's been less than a week. I want to turn ferocious but instead I just don't respond. It's the rudest thing ever and it's happened 3 times and I'm over it. Hair? Nope. Don't care one thing about it. I just washed mine for the first time since Saturday. That's how I feel about hair right now.Scrolling through iPhone photos is a bad idea. Almost every photo is of Holly. This is the one that got me today. This was taken last Monday--the amazing day Holly made it through her teeth getting cleaned. I had such high hopes that day. I thought we'd fixed all that was wrong with her and I'd still get to have my Holly right now. Look at her sweet, precious, adorable face. Gosh she's so breathtakingly cute. I miss kissing that cheek so much. I can't take it yall. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. My baby is gone from me. I'll never get to see her again. The only thing that ever brings me comfort is knowing she's in Heaven with my Savior. Please Lord Please take care of her. I know you will but it makes me feel better to remind you.

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