Wednesday, April 18, 2012

One Week Later

It's been a week now since I said goodbye to Holly and the pain is getting heavier and worse. I can't even talk about her without breaking down. I've already said it but I honestly cannot imagine a day where I won't cry. I still just can't believe this is happening. Holly is on my mind 100% of every waking hour I live and breath. So many times throughout the day I have 1 second where I slip and forget she's gone. At night I'll go to flip on a nightlight so she can see in case she gets up in the middle of the night. Or I'll eat out and think for a quick second that I should get a to-go box so Holly can enjoy my leftovers. A loud noise will happen and I look to make sure it didn't scare Holly. I'll walk past the dog aisle in Target and have a split second where I think I should browse in there to see what they have. Or I wake up in the morning and our house feels too cold and I worry that Holly is uncomfortable.
I just feel like a walking zombie. I keep myself out of the house all day because it's too painful to be here alone. My house feels like there's no life in it. Scott told me today people at his office keep asking him how I am doing and he wants to say to them 'well ask me how I'm doing too, I'm just as sad.' Just because you're a man doesn't mean your heart hurts less. I've never seen Scott this sad the whole time I've known him. He doesn't sob and break down like me but anytime I start to cry his eyes fill with heavy water. Our world revolved around Holly and he loves her just as much as I do. Holly had Scott wrapped around her little paws like nothing I've ever seen. If she could talk and ask Scott to buy her something that cost a million dollars he would literally find a way to do it! And Holly knew she had Scott suckered into her cute preciousness. She took advantage of it. Holly always knew if she asked Scott for a treat she would get one and I would get onto him all the time for caving! When I left Holly in his care when I went to China she gained half a pound!!! Both Mom and I got onto him and had to have a talk. What can he say? He loves her and she loves him. She loved his weakness for her. Haha!! Smart girl. It makes me laugh to think about it. This is what Holly would do to Scott all night, every night.
This is her saying "I want a treat Scott." And when he'd try to be brave, not cave, and ignore her, she crept closer and closer until it ended up coming down to this.
It's just so funny because Holly never did that to anyone until she met Scott and she never did this to anyone but Scott. And even when he would grant her request and giver her a treat, it didn't settle it. The process started all over again. It annoyed him, made him laugh and made him feel special all rolled into one. Holly loves her Scott. Scott--the sucker Holly finally got in her life that could never say no to her overwhelming cuteness.

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