Thursday, May 31, 2012


I've finally found a solution to the bright beaming sunlight that wakes me up every morning at 6 am. I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. I have some temporary curtains hanging in my bedroom right now and they are better than no curtains but it's still way too bright in the morning. Plus, we have a door in our bedroom that leads to our porch outside and I don't know how I'll ever find a solution to that. It's not like you can put a curtain over a door. This room is just going to be brighter than any bedrooms I've lived in and it's time to come to terms with it. However, I'm not going to accept it. I will find a way to have a dark bedroom.
The first few days it took some getting used to wearing it but today I didn't wake up until I heard Scott leaving for work and when I took the mask off I was so confused and thought Scott left every single light on. My eyes could not get adjusted to the brightness. You honestly can't imagine how bright our room is.
This picture cracks me up. It's so hard to get a picture of the two together. I made them sit and Ivy is like 'okay I'm ready for my treat!!" and Madison is saying "let's play!! I wanna play!!!!"

I had a revelation today. That these puppies aren't Holly. I will never have one that's Holly and I will love no one like I love Holly. Holly is my perfect, precious baby who I long for so badly. I can't compare and I can't keep hoping this is just a bad dream that I'll wake up from. I wouldn't say I'm to the acceptance stage of grieving but I'm getting there--maybe. Tomorrow could be totally different. I could quite possibly get institutionalized tomorrow. I'm honestly surprised that hasn't happened yet.

I woke up with a new love for these girls today. They are SO sweet. They have been exceptionally good girls the last 2 days. Maybe we're finally getting settled in and finding a routine. It's 8:30 pm and we have officially had no accidents on the floor today!!!!!! Why don't you join me and bust out the champagne to celebrate! So proud. I've been working extra hard on it the last two days. Even if it meant getting dressed in the laundry room--and eating my lunch in the laundry room--or hanging out in the laundry room for 40 minutes--dang it these girls were gonna pee on the pad. And get an exceptionally yummy treat because of it.
Could someone please tell me how these two already know how to beg for food? And why they have to look so stinking cute while doing it? I don't know how I resist but I do----for now anyways.

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