Friday, April 18, 2014

Sleepless

Happy Friday everyone! I don't know why I'm excited that it's the weekend, since all of my days are pretty much the same, but I am. Sorry I've been MIA for a few days. The last 2 days have been challenging. I'm hanging in there....since I have to.....but life is hard right now. I think I cry every day. I'm utterly exhausted and miss my sleep so, so bad. I hate nighttime and dread as it approaches. Campbell woke up around 4:30 one night this week and I think I had been asleep for maybe 30 minutes before that. As if on cue, the second he started making his hungry noises I sat up in bed and just balled my eyes out. I picked him up to feed him and tears poured out of my eyes the entire time. I wanted to get in my car and run away to a hotel. Having interrupted sleep night after night after night is miserable. If Campbell would learn to eat faster and go to sleep right when he's finished eating it would make all the difference. Sometimes I get lucky and he eats then falls back to sleep within 30 minutes but sometimes the whole process can take 2 hours.
This entire time I've had a bad attitude about it all but the Lord really convicted me yesterday and I had a change of heart. This is my life now and there's nothing I can do to change it. Gone are the days of a good night's rest so I shouldn't wishfully hope or think that maybe I'll get lucky one night and Campbell will sleep 5 hours because that's just not going to happen right now. I look at Campbell's sweet little face and remind myself that he can't help it. He's growing. He's hungry. He needs his Mommy to feed him and cuddle him and rock him to sleep no matter what time of the day it is. I was feeding him last night and even though I was so tired, I couldn't help but smile at him. He locks his little legs out every time he eats, which I love and think is so cute. His locked little legs looked extra cute in his new monster footed pj's that he was wearing for the first time. Then he gave me the biggest smile once he was finished eating like he knew I needed to see it. It made me happy that he was happy.
Yes I'm exhausted and yes I would give anything to be able to sleep for more than 2-3 consecutive hours. I will one day though! This won't be my life forever. For now, I'm going to embrace the sleepless nights as much as I can and cuddle my sweet baby who will never be this little again.

6 comments:

  1. I want to hug you through the computer. Hang in there, friend. It DOES get better!!!! And when it does you won't even remember the sleeplessness. =)

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    1. I always thought I wanted 3. Now I'm not so sure. Haha!!

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  2. You're doing great. We've all walked in your shoes with little sleep and caring for newborns so we get it, it's brutal. Thankfully it doesn't last long and I will always give the advice of sleep when that sweet babe sleeps. Everything else can wait. Hang in there!

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    1. Thanks girl! I'm looking forward to getting sleep again! Some day.....haha!!

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  3. You are doing great! Everyday will feel a little easier, even if it is only a tiny little bit. If you need a break I am a short drive away and a great baby holder! :-)

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