Day 10.

Day 10 of "self isolation" for my family. Last week Scott and I would take turns getting out every 3 days to pick up food from Fresh Market. We both noticed we were getting a lot of anxiety when we would come home and kept having anxiety for the rest of the day. I am not someone who normally feels anxiety. I may get stressed from time to time but not anxious. For the last week I have had so much anxiety it's made me feel sick--heavy chest, stomach in knots, headache.....true anxiety all throughout my body. I had to reassess and figure out what I could do to help me not feel so anxious and I landed on two things: 1.) plan ahead to do delivery or pick-up grocery orders so we don't have to go inside stores anymore 2.) limit the news to twice a day. I already feel better.

I am so over this virus. It's terrible. I hate that so many people are getting sick. I hate what it's doing to our economy. Everyones lives have been turned upside down in a matter of days. I had to tell Campbell over the weekend that we were going to have to cancel his birthday party on Saturday. He turns six on Thursday and we were so excited about his birthday party this coming weekend. All of his little kindergarten friends were going to be there. We were going to have it at an art studio and learn how to paint a dinosaur. When I told him, he bawled his eyes out. It broke.my. heart. I would have loved to tell him we were going to simply reschedule it but honestly, who knows when this thing is going to be over. No time soon, I can tell you that. I promised him we would make his birthday so fun and special and I mean every bit of it. I am going to do everything in my power to make it an amazing day. I've never not had a birthday party for my kiddos. Every year I give them an option to do something fun or get something big vs having a party but they always want the party. They love celebrating with their friends and I can't blame them. I'm so sad that this is happening for so many reasons but this week especially, I'm mourning the loss of so many special moments in our life that we will miss out on. These things may be trivial but they are things that bring me joy like spring musicals, kindergarten graduation, Easter, birthday parties (I doubt Bennett gets to have one either in early May), soccer, baseball, last day of school pics. I miss our routine of going to school and church and seeing our people that we love to see. It's just a sad time.

However. All of that means absolutely nothing if we don't have our health. Missing out on these things is sad and it's okay to be sad about it. As of day 10 we are healthy and happy. We honestly aren't going crazy yet!! This is spring break and it was much needed. Last week was very overwhelming and stressful for me with our new online learning routine. I am so glad for a week off so I can mentally prepare myself for what is to come for the next month or two. I'm actually looking forward to the week ahead of us. I'm trying to come up with fun things for the boys and I to do together and we are going to make it fun, from the comforts of our home! Everything is going to be okay!!